This creative and conversational memoir style of blogging is embellished with photographs, sprightly texts, and gentle listening features. May these entries be as cathartic to read & to hear as they have been to conceive & to share. xo
Hey Loved Ones,
Happy Holidays! Hope you are staying warm and enjoying whatever fluff and slush and frost you might be getting!
I have cracked the secret of the magic of winter weather!!!
SHE IS SO SLOW! She is so gentle!
Watching her in motion reminds me how much prettier life is
when I also function at that same pace.
And she has been asking me to slow down in many forms..
Practically speaking, it took me an hour for a typical 1/2 hour travel yestrday,
Internally speaking, the bell tolls, "contemplation needed".
There is a lot of irony in that realization for me presently, because my measured approach to life has fervently picked up speed by receiving some
early celestial Christmas presents...
This girl unexpectedly got a full timer!
I assist a teacher (& maybe potentially instruct art?) at a Montessori School in a town north. My grown up opportunity is probably only going to be short lived, as cosmic gift #2 arrived in the mail just after Thanksgiving. I received an 80% scholarship from Christian Theological Seminary for Mental Health Counseling, meaning Grad School in the spring! Christmas Miracles right?!?
As invigorating as these new adventures are, getting to--yet again--gain new skills in an area of intrigue & start on an academic path which is creeping me closer to my vocation, I have been feeling a little overwhelmed, intimidated, and disappointed in someways by the illusions of this "adult-life" as I pretty much expected.
I have been surprised how much I thought getting a full time position would assist with feeling a greater sense of stability in life, and while there is some truth in that, the figurative board I balance on shakes still...
Before I was willing on good faith and the trusty savings for extra support, and now with having focal of a very specific income, everything I go to purchase or invest in converts into that calculation, "Now how many work hours does this take to pay for?".
I know, I know, adult stuff, Bre -- its called a budget.
Maybe I am feeling a little idealistic--go figure-- but I would imagine if I am working within a place I feel destined to in the long term, that "time=money" equation would convert into the more essential fact that "time=opportunity to chose love" and how I do or do not embodied that.
While I know I have my own ideas in motion for contributing meaningfully to my part of the world, seeing people who do decide to live a life of unabashedly giving their time, talents, attention to those most in need (like this guys) make me wonder if I am going to regret choosing a life of side jobs, random full-timers, and classrooms occupation to support a way of life & some unconventional ideals.
The Charity of the Christmas season only seems to reinforce these questions and my pull towards working with those forgotten...
All the talk of the Pope in the news, with his passions against capitalism and responsibility for helping all,
especially those most lonely and neglected;
there I find one of those great fires within me, summoning me to the kind of life where I would choose to share myself wholly for and with others,
and recognize I have not been living in such a way.
The search for meaning in my places of work sink me again into those feelings of renunciation which I have mentioned emerge frequently.
Still, I don't quite feel the assertion to take on a sister's habit
or a monk's baldness,
or Gandhi's waistline,
Or to abandon my roommates
I am dedicated to my own discernment process, and Mother Teresa's commission to find my own Calcutta, before I go running a stranger to a third world country, or a monastery, or another/ my own seminary for the full seminarian training.
Here's to finding the meaning & blessings in the work which is presented to me now & in continuing to formulate that vocation out of my passions, as I understand them at this time: art, contemplation, the poor in spirit, and the excluded; in my current first world country, state, community, family,
(which needs for love and attention is greatly needed here in their own ways)
,while taking some master's courses too :]
Be patient as the snow is patient, I hear...
Love you all!
This creative and conversational memoir style of blogging is embellished with photographs, sprightly texts, and gentle listening features. May these entries be as cathartic to read & to hear as they have been to conceive & to share.