Trust is a Hard Lesson to Learn, but I'm Learning...

Loves!

The last few months has been a blur to say the least! A blur of the exciting and fulfilling sorts though...

I've been addicted to attending a plethora of different faith communities, working on my first art show, having my first art show, creating this site, & watching a lot of doors opening probably due to all the former...

I have been praying, intentionally and unintentionally, for a new beginning for awhile now. My vagabondness nature enjoys to disapprove of the idea of rooting, & despite the couple month sabbatical to the farming community, being in Indy for about a year and a half was starting to make me quiver a little.

"GO! GO! GO! LEAVE! LEAVE! LEAVE! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - said my internal voice and external attitude.

I was feeling a little low; a little heartbroken for feeling confused about next steps, my position in the greater world, the place I allowed myself to get to in life, and the person I was choosing to be instead of who I know I am-- who I want to be. I sense my gypsy self tell me that there was a change in my winds that was occurring;
that needed to occur. 

I believe most of us can feel these changes happening, but rarely foresee the full detail of the change.

For a few months I felt assured that route would come in the form of selling all my possessions (or at least selling most and packing up the sentimental)  and backpacking through Thailand or India to a monastery where there I would gain the more clarity about what I already know is the most purposeful way of living -- serving others in the most basic and loving of forms.

I have learned at an early age that words, pictures & ideas are rarely their actual meaning. Its more critical to realize the intention behind something then the skin of itself. My prayer was never for a cross cultural spirit quest as much as it was for whatever vehicle might help get me closer to my true self -- to God.

Ironically, it was at my porch sale where I was attempting to sale my things-- including my artwork-- that I met my friend who was a RAW Artist who highly encouraged me to submit my work for a RAW showing & it was after one of the services I have been attending that I was  finally inspired to do so.

On my "artist card" (they are actually from a rubber stamp! hah!)-- there is a quote from the gnostic gospels which reads,

"If you let out what is inside of you, what is inside of you will save you."

Sharing my art with others has been a vehicle to paying attention to those things that are inside of me and to share them with others.

I sat in awe yesterday after receiving a few humbling messages that stumbled on my phone and in my message box, from some loved ones and new loved ones, that, not only by creating what I create, but by just being who I am was enough and was helping to contribute to blessing others in some fashion.

I think for the first time ever, I thought, "Wow, I am allowed to do what I love and know I'm loving others through it and they feel it! And by practicing doing what I love-- repurposing, connecting with people, mediating over my activites (art, food, writings, and other topics of inspiration) -- I am loving myself too."

I am believing more and more that when we pay attention to those things our heart tells us brings us joy--monitized or not--we will be taken care of, because we are fufilling our our calling to ourselves and the greater world.

Ahhhh, I am also learning to be grateful for and to change the meaning of those chapters of broken heartedness in our life too.
A "break" is really just an "opening", right!?
And an opening allows for newness  to flow in...
Who knows, maybe Thailand or India will still has the chance to be in the next wave...
If not, meh... I know I'm fortunate for life to continue to exceeded expectations.

Love you all!