Potential of the Potential: A Posting on the Array of our Capacities

Did you see the sun the other day!?!

--I knows, shes around a lot more now, but--
Did you see her?!
Did you feel her!?
(Indianapolis friends, I'm talking to you, at least)...
Ah, she was like a blanket!!!

I felt like she was reaching for me.

Gripping me tight
and pulling me in.
(Her arms! Do you see them?!) <<
I felt swallowed almost.
(I'm in part a sun worshiper if you couldn't tell..)

Spring!!!  
You bring out the romantic in me!
Everything is to be sensed!
My cells feel full of light,
and wind,
and peace...          ahhh..
And the Wind!!
The air feels  like God breathing on me....

Even if you are not one my Hoosier loves, I'm sure you can appreciate the feelings induced by beautiful weather emerging after a very shadowy season.

---

But not too long after the burst of hope,

dark & icy crept back in.
                                  --I didn't even take a picture of the snow that fell--                        

But, my sun high will not be waved!
She was alive!
I saw her!
I felt her!
Bright and powerful,
and while, yes, she might have gone into hiding again,
She is coming!
She is arriving!
In lieu of the reminder that, yes indeed, the sun does still exists --
makes me think again of the life and degree of  my own light,
my power,
my potential--
to glow,
to give warmth,

to go into hiding ..

( Not gonna lie,  it doesn't hurt that"potential" is the topic for one of the local publications' next topic of submissions  & I'm feeling curiously allured to participate in!--ergo "potential" is a hard one to get out of the brain in that case too :] *Maybe a version of this'll be the one!*)   
I digress...

With the whole grad-school/create-my-own-vocation thing, & the small risks with my writing, I wonder what my capacity for greatness (and failure) are in these areas of pull.

What is my  potential as an artist,
a writer,
a therapist,
a healer,
a spiritual director,
a lover?
(and no, not a "lover" in the romantic sense, but a lover of the world, of earth, of people, of God, of self- the people I pass by,
the friends I live with,
the friends and family I do not live with,
the significant other --out there somewhere,
the body in the mirror I scrutinize,
the earth I walk on
- and take from...)

I think the greater question lies in what is the risk of being anything other than a lover.

I chant, "Purpose! Purpose! Show me my Purpose!!! --AND in its abundant capacity!",  yet forget I have my purpose
--   as    do    we    all    --  which is the call to love .
The work of doing so being the most vital of all human occupation,
completely credibility free.

Cause truly, what would being any other title really matter if compassion and warmth were not embedded in the role's makeup, or -- in the very least --the outcomes of  the services' actions? Peel away all vocations, certifications, etc...and what is left?  What is a worthy basis of wanting to excel at all other modes of being, if to cultivate a more loving world is not the goal? )

"I would like for my life to be a statement of love and compassion--and where it isn't, that's where my work lies." 
-- Ram Dass

I can't help but to think of how & why I distract myself from that fullest state of love & the other manifestations of it.  A dear friend recently lettered to me the idea, "I think sometimes we fear being shaped into the form our dreams demand, or (worse) that we are inadequate to the demands of that form."

Fears,
Feelings of inadequacy--
are they part of what leads us to that lesser potential or is that darker state itself?

A broadcast I heard recently reminded me the union that is our lowest & our highest.  These "short comings" of ours--
the "fears",
our"struggles"-- are our lives greatest victories to be revealed.
They are, as the guest spoke, not problems to be solved,
but "the trail of crumbs" leading us back to our purpose.

The psychoanalysis school of thought speaks of this revaluation in the language of frames and boundaries (from how I took it in class at least!). Boundaries set a type of structure from therapist to client -- time, money, confidentiality--  all being attempts to be reliability to the patient, to keep one respected, to create safety, 
but to also have a line for the patient to push against.
                                                                                                 An edge is our lens to perspective...
How  we push up against something --or not-- and the motives behind them,
all hold information about ourselves. And this information (neither good or bad) , our acknowledgement of the information, and what we chose to do with it, all assist us in the process of surfacing the freest form of Self --
to glow,
to give warmth,
to chose not to hide.

Because even when the sun is "hiding", we know she always exists--
behind some clouds;
buried from our line of sight (whether tucked into some trees, or the other side of the world, but even then she still warms whole continents and is reflected to us the moon). 

Same with our greatest potential --to love and all other roles which branch off of that core calling-- its always present;
always shining.

So may we be grateful for the moments of cloud cover,
of soul darkness,
of all those "problems", distractions, addictions--
I'm seeing they are channels to our greatness.

---

Have a many a Sun Highs, my loves!